Information on Couples and Relationships During Pregnancy

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Couples and Relationships During Pregnancy

With all the excitement and changes that come with the role of parenting.whether for the first time or with a new addition, it is extremely important dm:mother and father continuously reaffirm the importance of their own relationship.For many reasons, it is common for a new baby to take center stage and for parents, especially new ones, to put the maintenance of their marriage at the bottomof the daily priority list. Remember that the two of you became a family withexchange of vows, before children were in the picture. You will remain a family after the children have grown and left your home. While they are under yourroof, a rock-solid partnership, continually renewed and refreshed, will be thefoundation for the security of any and all children you add to your original fam-ily of two. Your new baby is to be loved and cherished, but he must not, for his own sake, become the permanent center of gravity around which everything elsein your home revolves.

You might assume that the awe and wonder of having a newborn at home wou::automatically forge a powerful bond between the proud parents. But it is all -quite possible for the new demands of baby care to generate some unexpected resentment, or jealousy in the marriage.

If the new baby is breast-fed rather than bottle-fed, much of a you:::mother's time and energy will be occupied with feeding, not to mention th,many other details of infant care. (This can also occur, of course, when a baby

• although in this case others can take turns with feeding sessions.) As a father might begin to feel left out and could even resent a nursing child-odic eMIS to have displaced him from his wife's affections. This may be aggravated by unspoken assumptions about mothers' and fa- er-s

• roles, especially with newborns. If one parent believes that tending to a16176- is "women's work" and that Dad need not report for duty until his son canaro.- a ball or his daughter is ready to ride a bike, a wedge can develop betweenMother and father. He may become weary of seeing her attention directed towardmer–wing the newborn's seemingly endless needs. She may become irritated if heNW: :Idling his weight at home, especially if he seems to expect her to meet a lot needs when she is thoroughly exhausted.

Now can you prevent a newborn nest from becoming a "house divided"? ast bps for Morn: Make sure your husband knows that he hasn't been relegated todte burner of your affection and interest. Beware of total and absolute participation with your new baby, as normal as that desire might seem to you. If nurse, carry, rock, caress, and sleep with your baby twenty-four hours a daywithout offering some attention to your mate, before long your marriage may be in a shadow of its former self.

Whenever possible, try to freshen up if you haven't seen your spouse forirs-al hours—even if you're pooped. It's important that you take care of your-s+ even in these early days of motherhood, because from now on it will beMing to neglect yourself when there are so many needs and tasks surround -you. Certainly your husband will appreciate seeing you take steps to main-your health and appearance. But for your own sake it is important toe good feelings about who you are by giving some priority to your per-needs and interests. Taking care of yourself, even in small ways, can helpavoid baby-care burnout—not only now but also in the days and seasons to bps for Dad: Pay lots of attention to your newborn, for whom you can do allof things (such as cuddling, rocking, and changing). Wives tend to becomeenamored with husbands who clearly cherish their babies. Don't expect to-ted like another child at home, waiting for a weary housekeeper to fix yourYour laundry, and clean up your messes.

Patterns you establish now in your marriage may well continue as your new baby and other children at home grow to maturity. Ultimately their sentof security will rise or fall with the visible evidence of stability, mutual respect.and ongoing love of their mother and father for one another. Overt demon- ' strations of affection not only fulfill deep and abiding needs between husbaneand wife, but they also provide a strong, daily reassurance for children the:their world will remain intact. The same can be said of time set aside by par-ents for quiet conversation with one another before the children have gone tcbed. Equally significant is a regular date night for Morn and Dad, which should be instituted as soon as possible and maintained even after the kids are grow:and gone. These time-outs need not be expensive, but they may require some on-going creativity, planning, and dedication. Dedication is necessary because child-care needs, pangs of guilt, and complicated calendars will conspire to prevent those dates from happening. But the romance, renewal, and vitality they gene:-ate are well worth the effort.

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