Information on Child Discipline and Abuse

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Child Discipline and Abuse

Parents can disciplines children with absolute perfection, and like every M the world, you will make mistakes. You may say or do something,ate regret, or you may neglect one or more worthwhile aspects of theBut parenting involves a long learning curve, and childrenm an environment where it is clear that they are deeply loved will bethe face of numerous parental errors. Nevertheless, stay away frommissteps and omissions that could have a lasting negative impact on one of the following have taken root in your home, remember that-00 I a c' to make midcourse corrections. AINISe. Punching, slapping, whipping, burning, and other horrors in-chiiidren arc not discipline. They are abuse and have no place in thei son or daughter. They do not serve to benefit the child in any way;. as unhealthy ways for a parent to vent anger. These behaviors indi-lefect in the parent's communication skills, the parent's lack of re- child's body and emotions, and a gross misunderstanding of a= nsibilities. If this type of violence has occurred in your home, seek ---lediately to prevent further damage. Such help is especially im-_L received this sort of treatment as a child, because abusive patterns through generations unless someone has the courage to break the cycle.

Verbal thrashing. Even if you don't throw sticks and stones or break any bones, your words can hurt your children. Harsh, degrading, insulting language - "You are so stupid,""I'm disgusted with you,""You little jerk" - burns its way into memory and emotions of a child. While physical abuse scars the body, verbal abuse scars the mind and heart, and neither is a proper exercise of parental authority. It is important to seek counseling to rein these verbal beatings and stop the abuse.

Authorization. This rigin micromanagement of childhood behavior stresses pure obedience without any understanding of principles. There may be times when you need to declare,"Because I'm the mom, that's why!" But demanding knee-jerk submission in every detail of life will wear thin as the years pass. You can probably impose this regime on you:they are younger, but as they reach adolescence, their rebellion -tainty—and probably will be spectacular. Management by yelling and screaming. Some parents arrive at the –clusion that their children will respond to them only when they in anger. This idea usually develops over time through many reps: -nario in which a parc.nt.'s direction is ignored by a child—andabout it. When this pattern is fully developed, a child will have learneaccurately when Mom or Dad is likely to take action. Typically, after five or six requests or orders have been ignored. -voice becomes more forceful, words are clipped, and the child's mi.::used: "John Patrick Smith, you get into that tub NOW!" The child 1-..1•that something unpleasant is likely to occur at this point and heads - room. The parent comes to believe that anger got the desired result: an...–she may resort to it more frequently. In fact, it wasn't the anger, but a -7:-likelihood of it) that got the child moving. Eventually, if action doesn't always follow the angry words, a to ignore even the most intense outbursts. This not only dilutes theof all other communication within the family but may lead to aemergency. (Imagine a child chasing a ball into the street unawar:bearing down on him and ignoring, as always, his parent yelling a: - Idle threats. Many parents attach threats of dire consequences togive a child: "You'd better not, or else!" But if the child repea:-. _and "or else" never happens, she will learn that a lot of what Mom 7just hot air. This may escalate to some form of home terrorism; a _ ent whose warnings aren't taken seriously may increase the verb become enraged to the point of finally making good on somet. As with "management by yelling," it is action and conse-the game, and not threats alone, that motivate children to follow enting: little or no adult input or involvement. This occurs whenents are too busy, overwhelmed, tired, or indifferent to set and limits.

A child who is left more or less to his own devices willvery relaxed and happy, but rather quite unsettled, because theprovide security are missing. Even though most kids push and.its, they will become surprisingly anxious if few or none are Rewards have a definite place in training children, but parentseie or make deals over every direction they give a child—espe--: are not negotiable. it would be quite inappropriate to say, "I'll,e if you get in your car seat." A child should not become used to is only worthwhile if there's a prize attached. Moral valuesme:7d to be internalized, not merely bought and sold. parenting. One of the great cultural follies of our times is the belief d with humanitarian fervor) that parents and children shouldin all matters and that a mother or father has no right to exert anyrite over a child.

A variation on this theme occurs when a parentor unable to override a child's drives and desires, usually out of fear unwillingness to deal with conflict, or the mistaken notion that:auses an infant or child to become upset is terribly harmful. "ict is inevitable in any long-term human relationship, including theparent and child. Misguided attempts to keep a child from experi-happiness by routinely giving in to her every desire will ensure thatle and unpleasant. Respect for a child's identity and feelings is im-someone needs to be in charge while she is growing up, and for ex-it should not be the child. iveness. This is a more extreme and naive version of democraticassumed that children arc born bundled with "virtue software."seen as innocent little "clean slates" who may even possess moralelders have lost. According to this misguided viewpoint, while they are influenced by a negative environment, children in a nurturing setting do--section. Some parents tolerate a great deal of disrespectful and destructive behavior in their young children based on the assumption "getting it out of their system." Unpleasant surprises during late childhood and early adolescence await those who adopt this approach.

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