Information on Child Adoption Information

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Child Adoption Information

The most basic needs of an adopted child are the same as those of any otherphysical, emotional, and spiritual nurturing in an environment where love, and appropriate limits are clearly evident. Nearly all of what you willin this book or other resources about parenting will apply to your adoptedHowever, several specific concerns that may arise during or after the adop- T. process are worth a brief review.

While in nearly every case the prospective parents share equally the desire toadopt a child, occasionally one may he less enthusiastic about this undertakingthan the other. It is unwise for one person to merely "go along" with an adoptionprimarily to please one's spouse. The commitment of both parents to theadopted child should be as strong as if he were biologically their own. What if there are one or more other siblings at home at the time of the adop-tion? Ideally, they should be prepared in the same manner they would he if Mornwere expecting a new baby. Tell them the facts in basic language they can under-stand and describe the adoption in a positive light. There will be a new brotheror sister who will be sharing in the love of the family and who will be treated withthe same love and respect that everyone at home receives. If the adopted child hasany special problems or will be of different racial or ethnic origin, discuss this ina matter-of-fact way. It should go without saying that parents in such situationswill need to be both fair and abundantly affectionate to all the children, strivingto see that no one feels left out or is treated with favoritism—just as in any fam-ily where more than one child is present.

Believe it or not, it is not necessary for a woman to bear an infant in order tonurse one.A woman who would like to breast-feed an adopted baby may be ableto produce her own milk through a combination of medication that stimulateslactation and repeated stimulation of her breasts, either by using a pump priorto the adoption or allowing the baby to nurse after he arrives. This process is usually more successful with infants younger than eightweeks of age, although it can also be attempted with an older baby. While nurs-ing an adopted child can yield many of the benefits that breast feeding affords toinfants and mothers, it will also require considerablecommitment and effort. Furthermore, it is very likely that the adoptive mother'sproduction of milk will be less than adequate to meet all of the growing baby'snutritional needs. Supplementation with formula will thus be necessary in suchcases. Needless to say, plans to nurse an adopted baby should be discussed in ad-vance with a knowledgeable physician or lactation consultant.

Adopting an older baby or child Parents of newborns are normally concerned about the process of bonding withtheir new baby, often wondering if even brief periods of separation will interferewith it. But what if you are going to begin parenting a baby who has lived with one else for several weeks, months, or years—perhaps one who cannot even:stand your language? In such circumstances you cannot necessarily expect an instantaneous bond-_ ,xperience or a picture-perfect first meeting where a child throws his arms..nd your neck in a display of unrestrained gratitude. In fact, in some cases thecontact will be strained. A baby might be frightened, fussy, fidgety—orquiet, especially if he has been raised in an environment where crying d little response from his adult caretakers. An older child who has not had e environment or who has been ignored or mistreated in the past might be -or even sullen. Any parent adopting such a child should be aware that trauma, or abuse early in that child's life may have resulted in long-term-rm permanent developmental and relational problems.

Children who are:Itirtured and stimulated as infants sometimes have great difficulty ever at- - ing to other people, no matter how much those people express love and af-n for them. In addition, a baby or child arriving from a foreign country may be poorly nourished, and literally overloaded by the entire experience. .-.t:her coming from across town or halfway around the world, he may actuallysigns of grieving for whatever familiar faces and environment he has left Getting acquainted with, and then getting close to, an older adopted child 7ake time and a fair amount of patience. Obviously it is helpful if informa- about the child's background and previous experiences is available. If you not yet had a child, you would be wise to read about the normal develop-. -milestones for the age of the child you will be adopting. In general, voices are calm and reassuring, touch that is soft and soothing, and sensitivity to_:es given by the child will go a long way toward a harmonious adjustment. your best efforts to form a mutually satisfying attachment seem to he a re-. ding failure, don't hesitate to seek help from your child's physician, the::ion agency (assuming that one was involved), or a counselor, preferably-.:ho has experience with adoptive parents and children. :ing a child with a physical, mental, (3:" emotional handicap : -_-aial-needs child can be a great blessing to a family, but it is important toclear understanding of problems that are likely to arise during his life. (Incases a handicap may require special education and care well into theadulthood.) Support services, including other parents who have raised a,yith similar problems, should be consulted both before and after the::on

You should obtain as much information as possible about the medical history ofthe baby or child you are planning to adopt. Details of the family history, themother's pregnancy and delivery, congenital problems, illnesses, and immuniza-tions are helpful, if available. However, in some cases you may not even be cer-tain of your child's birth date, and some evaluation based on physical andbehavioral characteristics will be necessary. (This may not be easy if the child hasbeen malnourished or raised in a deprived setting that has delayed his growthand developmental milestones.) If your adopted child appears to be well, you might want to wait for severaldays (or even a few weeks) before taking him for a medical evaluation, so that hecan become comfortable with you before entering the unfamiliar realm of thedoctor's office. A child from a foreign country may require a more extensive ex-amination soon after arrival—even if he has been examined before leaving hiscountry of origin—because of the possibility that he might have acquired one ormore infections (such as tuberculosis, hepatitis B, or intestinal parasites) that aremore common in other areas of the world, or conditions (such as particularforms of anemia) seen in certain racial and ethnic groups. If the child appearsupon arrival, he should be evaluated as soon as possible.

Cross-cultural and cross-racial adoptions From an infant's standpoint, his ethnic background is not initially a major sourof concern, although the adoptive parents might need to deal with occasionalappropriate reactions such as "Why would you adopt a child of a different races the child becomes older, however, you will need to deal with questions raisedby differences in appearance within the family. Most can be handled during theongoing process of talking to him about his adoption (see next sectionExploring your child's racial or ethnic heritage as a means of enhancing his over-all understanding of his "story" would be beneficial to both you and your child.Your child should be encouraged to develop and maintain friendships withinminority community. This will make him more comfortable moving in and 01:7of his own subculture. Keep in mind, though, that your child's basic senseidentity should focus primarily on qualities of character and bonds of love tha.have been established in your family over a period of years.

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