Information on Child Abuse Help

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Child Abuse Help

The response to any situation in which children arc abused or neglected mu st in-volve the following components:

The problem must be recognized and acknowledged.

A number of signs and symptoms that might be observed in a child or adoles-mit who has been abused have been listed earlier in this section. Many of these such as depression) are not specific for abuse, although they could represent arneral response to a traumatic event. A few, such as the presence of a sexuallymansmitted disease, provide airtight proof that abuse has taken place.

When one or more worrisome findings or behaviors are observed in one'san child—or in certain instances, someone else's—a parent or other responsi-ble adult may have to ask, at an appropriate time, some nonthreatening, open-mded questions: "You've looked kind of sad since the camp-out last weekend.Can we talk about it?""That's an interesting mark on your tummy—can you tellme how you got it?" "Is there anything that bothers you about going over toUncle John's and Aunt Mary's?" The response most often will be reasonable, butif it sounds evasive or doesn't ring true, you may need to probe a little morespecifically: "Did something happen last weekend that upset you?" "Has anyonetouched you in a way that made you feel bad or uncomfortable?"

Attentive and compassionate listening, and not interrogation, is extremelyhnportant when such sensitive questions are being raised. Above all, make surethe child understands that you will not become angry with her over what she tellsvou. Even more critical is the reassurance that any abuse that has taken place, espe-cially sexual molestation, is not her fault. Victims of abuse are often burdened withthe idea that they were responsible for whatever happened to them, that they are-bad" or "dirty," and that their parents will reject or punish them if they tell whathappened.

If in fact you hear sonic unpleasant or even horrifying details from a child,you will need to remain calm and focus on both comforting her and making herfeel safe. Try to avoid venting any strong emotions of your own (especially angerover what has happened) in a way that might bring more discomfort to the child.However, you will want to talk in private with a mature, trustworthy individualin order to process what has happened, pray about it, and make appropriate de-cisions regarding the next steps to be taken. Even if you are not under legal obli-gation to report abuse, if you suspect that a child you know is being victimizedor neglected, seek input from a trained counselor, your pastor, or the nearestchild-protection service.

The child must be protected from further harm. In some cases, this may require taking the child out of the home, at least tem-porarily, either because it is clear that she is in immediate danger there or because concerns have been raised that are so serious that her safety must be ensures while the situation is investigated. Such an action can be traumatic for all con-cerned, even for the child who has been abused at home, but in most cases mrultimate goal of those who must make this type of decision is to keep families u.-gether, not break them apart.

If the abusing individual does not live at home, usually it is less difficult—but no less important—to see that the child is protected from further risk. Thisusually will involve keeping her away from any situations in which abuse ma*have taken place. Your commitment to her security should be made abundant*clear, especially if any threat has been made by the abuser.

If a child's basic needs are not being met at home, decisions regarding her fu-ture must be tailored to the individual family. Obviously, if a neglected child hassignificant medical problems, dealing with those will be the first order of busi-ness. Ideally, multiple resources will be brought to bear on the situation. Perhapsmembers of the extended family can take care of the child while other individu-als or organizations work with the parent(s) to stabilize the home. In many cases,families that are very distressed or barely getting by will derive great benefit fromcommunity volunteer groups, including local churches, which can provide moremultifaceted support. In a best-case scenario, this would include not only helpwith material needs but also ongoing interactions with individuals who couldteach basic parenting skills, encourage, troubleshoot, and, if needed, exhort theparents toward more constructive and stable lifestyles.
The abuser's behavior must change, and he or she must be preventedfrom harming anyone else.

Dealing with the person(s) alleged or proven to be abusing a child is a difficult.emotional process, which to a large degree will (and should) be managedchild-protection and law-enforcement personnel. In many cases, physical abuseoccurs when someone whose parenting skills are limited and whose personalproblems are overwhelming lashes out at a child in the heat of the moment. Veryoften there was no premeditated intention to do harm, and the primary need isfor assistance in resolving problems at home, learning different coping skills, orgaining a new and basic understanding of handling infants and children.Depression, anxiety, or substance-abuse problems might need to be addressed,and ongoing accountability will be critical.

In cases of sexual abuse, the action taken will depend greatly on the circum-stances and the age of the perpetrator. A young adolescent who discovered somepornographic material and then acted out his fantasies with a child may be extremely remorseful and more in need of rehabilitation than imprisonment. A ca-reer pedophile, on the other hand, is someone from whom society and its chil-dren must be protected at all costs.

With rare exception, confronting a perpetrator is extraordinarily difficult,especially if the individual is a relative, family friend, or someone who has beenM a position of responsibility and trust. On many occasions raising the issue ofabuse will be met with adamant denial on the part of both perpetrator and vic-tim, especially if the child is fearful of repercussions. Parents who have beenabusing their children virtually always know that their actions are wrong, butfear of losing their children and shame in facing their own behavior may preventthem from seeking help. Breaking through the denial is necessary for restorationof physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Loving friends or family memberswho recognize abuse may be able to convince and reassure the parent involvedthat restorative help is available and critically important.

If you yourself have abused your own or someone else's child(ren) or havehad some close calls in which you felt an impulse to harm a child, it is urgentlyimportant that you deal with this problem. You will need to broach the subjectwith a responsible adult to whom you have ongoing accountability, such as yourpastor, your physician, or a counselor. The process of acknowledging any wrong-doing to God and to those who have been harmed, owning up to its painful con-sequences, understanding its origins, and preventing recurrences will not takeplace overnight. Be prepared for a long and probably difficult process, but also beencouraged by the fact that no one is beyond hope. No matter what has hap-pened, no matter how much pain must be processed, it is possible—one step ata time—to learn to function in a more healthy and loving way. But it is vitally im-portant that you not attempt such a difficult journey alone. If you are con-fronting and dealing with your own abusive behavior, allow trustworthy peopleto come alongside you, both for support and accountability.

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